Michael Jordan made me crazy.

It is true. Well, inadvertently true. In fact, maybe it was more the teacher who told me what Michael Jordan used to do, that actually made me crazy, but since I can’t remember who told me, I am sticking with Michael Jordan.

I am going to be honest, I never fact checked this or anything, so for all I know Michael Jordan never did this even once, so I do apologize to the man for blaming him for my insanity, but it seems like a very Michael Jordan-y thing to do (the thing I am about to talk about, not the making random women he has never met crazy).

A teacher once told me that Michael Jordan used to envision his slam dunks before they happened. He would imagine the steps he would take, the people he would dodge, the ball he would dribble. He would see, in his imagination, his quads squatting down to prepare for the jump. He would feel his body take off, his arm extended, and see the ball slam through the hoop. This vision helped him be successful. I guess you could consider it thinking positively, or putting good karma thoughts into the world. He could imagine it and therefore it would happen.

My guess would be, some time in elementary school is when I started imagining things for myself. I would assume that it started off normal and reasonable, like, “I can see myself getting an A on this test.” But it soon turned into something a lot more complex.

To fully understand this, I have to share a really weird secret about myself. It’s not only weird, it’s a little embarrassing, and I could be wrong with this comment but I don’t even think I have ever let my husband see it. I mean, he knows about it, but seeing it is a whole different beast. Wait, maybe that isn’t true. He, and my kids, have seen a version of my secret in the car, but not the real deal. Not the fully engulfed, out-of-body experience I can create while listening to music. I describe it as an out of body experience because I can get so sucked into my Michael Jordan fantasy that I don’t even realize people walk into the room! (On a side note, thank goodness for door locks! On another side note, I can still picture my dad standing at the door of my bedroom, screaming at me that it was time for dinner … he probably started off saying my name nicely but Michael Jordan World can be strong!)

Anyhow, I am a grown woman of 39 years. I have 4 children, 3 degrees, a successful career, and … I bounce/rock on my bed when I listen to music. I cannot believe I seriously just typed that into the world. I literally, bounce/rock on my bed, mouth the words to the songs, and completely disappear into Michael Jordan fantasies. Wait … that was weird … my fantasies have nothing to do about Michael Jordan, but I envision things happening in the future.

Some of you who are familiar with The Law of Attraction, probably think this is an amazing thing that I do and are wondering why I started this post off saying that Michael Jordan made me crazy, but the things I envision are the problem. If I was only envisioning becoming a principal of a school, or my children graduating with honors from high school, that might be normal. But I pretend I’m a rock star, or that I won the lottery, or that I am out at a club with my husband and I am able to start breakdancing and everyone is in awe, or I start telling off people about things that haven’t even happened yet, or someone attacks a public area that I am in, and I am the brave one who gets the gun away and saves the day! I picture myself as a farmer, or retired, or moving to a big city. I picture myself with rock hard abs, or becoming a motivational speaker.

I can get so absorbed in creating realities that are not real, that I drive myself crazy for not having the slightest idea how to breakdance or for not getting on the treadmill as often as I should. Then, I get down on myself for not living up to my Michael Jordan fantasies. It is kind of a vicious, crazy cycle, Michael J. and I really need it to stop!

So … Gail … just stop.

Envision your future full of abundance and success and positive attention, you don’t have to be breakdancing at a bar. I mean, it can be that, but I really don’t think that is high on your list of desires.

I can see the future now (even without bouncing on my bed to music) … I am full of joy, spending time with my family, enjoying nature, my husband is holding my hand as he is sitting next to me on our porch. I am smiling because I can remember writing a blog post a long time ago that encouraged me to use my creative imagination to manifest abundance and joy. I also smile because I realize that not only should I apologize, I also owe my old friend, Michael Jordan, a “thank you” for making me just the right amount of crazy.